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ranbirsodhi.rediffiland.com/
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Smile Please
Teacher:"What is your name?". Student:"Mera naam Suraj Prakash hai."
Teacher:"When I ask a question in English, answer it in english."
Student:"My name is Sunlight.
Teacher:What happened in 1869?
Student:Gandhi ji was born.
Teacher :What happened in 1873?
Student:Gandhiji was four years old.
Question:What is the fullform of maths.
Answer: Mentally Affected Teachers Harassing Students
Teacher: Now children , if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him then what
virtue would I be showing ?
Student : BROTHERLY LOVE
Teacher:Because of Gandhiji"s hard work what do we get on 15th August.
Student:A holiday
Teacher:Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun. Everyone must attend it.
Raju:No ma"m! I will not be able to attend it.
Teacher :Why?
Raju:My mother will not allow me to go so far!!!
Teacher: How old is ur father.
Sunny:As old as I am.
Teacher:How is it possible?
Sunny:He became father only after I was born. (1st Rank)
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E-mails : How to forward properly
A friend who is a computer expert received the following directly from a system administrator for a corporate system. It is anexcellent message that ABSOLUTELY applies to ALL of us who send e-mails. Do you really know how to forward e-mails? Most of us DO NOT know how. Do you wonder why you get viruses or junk mail? Doyou hate it?
Every time you forward an e-mail, there is information left over from the people who got the message before you -- namely their e-mail addresses & names. As the messages get forwarded along, the list of addresses builds, and builds, and builds, and all it takes is for some poor sap to get a virus, and his or her computer can send that virus to every email address that has come across his computer. Or, someone can take all of those addresses and sell them or sendjunk mail to them in the hopes that you will go to the site and he will makefive cents for each hit. That"s right, all of that inconvenience over a nickel!
How do you stop it? Well, there are several easy steps:
(1) When you forward an e-mail, DELETE all of the other addresses that appear in the body of the message (at the top). That"s right, DELETE them. Highlight them and delete them, backspace them, cut them, whatever you know how to. It only takes a second. You MUST click the "Forward" button first and then you will have full editing capabilities against the body and headers of the message. If you don"t hit the forward button first you won"t have full editing functions . I particularly dislike having to scroll through 200 Email addresses before I get to the email.
(2) Whenever you send an e-mail to more than one person, do NOT use the "To:" or "Cc:" fields for adding e-mail addresses.. Always use the BCC: (blind carbon copy) field for listing the e-mail addresses. This is the way the people you send to will only see their own e-mail address. If you don"t see your "BCC:" option click on where it says To: and your address list will appear. Highlight the address and choose BCC: and that"s it, it"s that easy. When you send to BCC: your message will automatically say "Undisclosed Recipients" in the "TO:" field of the people who receive it.
That way you aren"t sharing all those addresses with every Tom, Dick or Harry. (3) Remove any "FW:" in the subject line. You can re-name the subject if you wish or even fix spelling.
This one is very important - please read and heed (4) ALWAYS hit your Forward button from the actual e-mail you are reading. Ever get those e-mails that you have to open 10 pages to read the one page with the information on it? By Forwarding from the actual page you wish someone to view, you stop them from having to open many e-mails just to see what you sent. These are the ones that often end up having picked up a virus from somebody. This is really important!
(5) Have you ever gotten an email that is a petition? It states a position and asks you to add your name and address and to forward it to 10 or 15 people or your entire address book. The email can be forwarded on and on and can collect thousands of names and email addresses.
A FACT: The completed petition is actually worth a couple of bucks to a professional spammer because of the wealth of valid names and email addresses contained therein. If you want to support the petition,
send it as your own personal letter to the intended recipient. Your position may carry more weight as a personal letter than a laundry list of names and email address on a petition. (Actually, if you think about it, who"s supposed to send the petition in to whatever cause it supports? And don"t believe the ones that say that the email is being traced, it just ain"t so!)
(6) One of the main ones I hate is the ones that say that something like, "Send this email to 10 people and you"ll see something great run across your screen." Or, sometimes they"ll just tease you by saying something really cute will happen. IT AIN"T GONNA HAPPEN!!!!! (Trust me, I"m still seeing some of the same ones that I waited on 10 years ago!) I don"t let the bad luck ones scare me either, they get trashed. (Could this be why I haven"t won the lottery??)
(7) Before you forward an Amber Alert, or a Virus Alert, or some of the other ones floating around nowadays, check them out before you forward them. Most of them are junk mail that"s been circling the net for Years!
Just about everything you receive in an email that is in question can be checked out at Snopes. Just go to http://www.snopes. com/ It's really easy to find out if it"s real or not. If it's not, please don't pass it on. So please, in the future, let's stop the junk mail and the viruses.
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Positive Attitude
Father: I want you to marry a girl of my choiceSon: "I will choose my own bride!"
Father: "But the girl is Bill Gates"s daughter."
Son: "Well, in that case...ok"
Next Day Father approaches Bill Gates.
Father: "I have a husband for your daughter."
Bill Gates: "But my daughter is too young to marry!"
Father: "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Bill Gates: "Ah, in that case...ok"
Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Father: "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."
President: "But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!"
Father: "But this young man is Bill Gates"s son-in-law."
President: "Ah, in that case...ok"
This is how business is done!!
Moral: Even If you have nothing, You can get Anything.. But your attitude should be +ve...
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George Bush & his intelligent ministers!
While visiting India, George Bush is invited to tea withAbdul Kalam. He asks Kalam what his leadership philosophy is. He says that, it is to Surround him with intelligent people.
Bush asks how he knows if they"re intelligent. "I do so by asking them the right questions," says the Kalam. "Allow me to demonstrate."
Bush watches as Kalam phones Manmohan Singh and says, "Mr. Prime Minister, please answer this question: Your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?" Manmohan immediately responds, "It"s me, Sir!"
"Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says Kalam.
He hangs up and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?"
Bush nods: "Yes Mr. President. Thanks a lot. I"ll definitely be using that!"
Bush, upon returning to Washington, decides he"d better put Condoleezza Rice to the test. Bush summons her to the White House and says, "Condoleezza, I wonder if you can answer a question for me." "Why, of course, sir. What"s on your mind?" Bush poses the question: "Uhh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"
Rice was puzzled and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get back to you?" Bush agrees, and Rice leaves.
Rice immediately calls a meeting of senior senators, and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation, Rice calls Colin Powell and explains the problem. "Mr. Powell, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"
Powell answers immediately, "It"s me, of course."
Much relieved Rice rushes back to the White House, finds George Bush, and exclaims, "I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It"s our Colin Powell !"
And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong, it"s Manmohan Singh!"
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Live Today. Enjoy Today
First I was dying to finish my high school and start college.And then I was dying to finish college & start working.
Then I was dying to marry and have children.And then I was dying for my children to grow old enough so I could go back to work.
But then I was dying to retire.
And now I am dying.
And suddenly I realized I forgot to live. Please don"t let this happen to you. Appreciate your current situation & enjoy each day. To make money, we lose our health and then to restore our health we lose money.
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Care - it makes a Difference (Charles Schultz)
The following is the philosophy of Charles Schultz, the creator of the "Peanuts" comic strip. You don"t have to actually answer the questions. Just read this straight through, and you"ll get the point. - Name the five wealthiest people in the world.
- Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.
- Name the last five winners of the Miss America pageant.
- Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.
- Name the last half dozen Academy Award winners for best actor and actress.
- Name the last decade"s worth of World Series winners.
How did you do? The point is, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday. These are no second-rate achievers. They are the best in their fields. But the applause dies. Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten. Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners. Here"s another quiz. See how you do on this one:
- List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.
- Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.
- Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.
- Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special.
- Think of five people you enjoy spending time with.
Easier?
The lesson: The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards. They are the ones that care.
"Don"t worry about the world coming to an end today. It"s already tomorrow in Australia "(Charles Schultz)
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Leather bound Bible
A young man was getting ready to graduate from college. For many months he had admired a beautiful sports car in a dealer's showroom, and knowing his father could well afford it, he told him that was all he wanted.
As Graduation Day approached, the young man awaited signs that his father had purchased the car.
Finally, on the morning of his graduation, his father called him into his private study. His father told him how proud he was to have such a fine son, and told him how much he loved him. He handed his son a beautiful wrapped gift box. Curious, but somewhat Disappointed, the young man opened the box and found a lovely, leather-bound Bible, with the young man's name embossed in gold. Angrily, he raised his voice to his father and said, " With all your money you give me a Bible? And stormed out of the house, leaving the Bible.
Many years passed and the young man was very successful in business. He had a beautiful home and wonderful family, but realized his father was very old, and thought perhaps he should go to him. He had not seen him since that graduation day.
Before he could make arrangements, he received a telegram telling him his father had passed away, and willed all of his possessions to his son. He needed to come home immediately and take care of things.
When he arrived at his father's house, sudden sadness and regret filled his heart. He began to search through his father's important papers and saw the still new Bible, just as he had left it years ago. With tears, he opened the Bible and began to turn the pages.
His father had carefully underlined a verse, Matt 7:11, "And if ye, being evil know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more shall your Heavenly father who is in heaven, give to those who ask Him?" As he read those words, a car key dropped from the back of the Bible. It had a tag with the dealer's name, the same dealer who had the sports car he had desired. On the tag was the date of his graduation, and the words... PAID IN FULL.
How many times do we miss God's blessings because they are not packaged as we expected? Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; but remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for...
IF YOUR GIFT IS NOT PACKED THE WAY YOU WANT IT, IT'S BECAUSE IT IS BETTER PACKED THAT WAY! ALWAYS APPRECIATE LITTLE THINGS; THEY USUALLY LEAD YOU TO ATTACHMENTS!
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For everything else there is...
This is a true story about recent wedding that took place at Clemson University. It was in the local newspaper and even Jay Leno mentioned it.
It was a huge wedding with about 300 guests...
After the wedding at the reception, the groom got up on stage with a microphone to talk to the crowd. He said he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding.
He especially wanted to thank the bride's and his family and to thank his new father-in-law for providing such a lavish reception. As a token of his deep appreciation he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift just from him.
So taped to the bottom of everyone's chair, including the wedding party, was an envelope. He said this was his gift to everyone, and asked them to open their envelope.
Inside each manila envelope was an 8x10 glossy of his bride having sex with the best man. The groom had gotten suspicious of them weeks earlier and had hired a private detective to tail them. After just standing there, just watching the guests' reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the best man and said, "F--- you!".
Then he turned to his bride and said, "F--- you!". Then he turned to the dumbfounded crowd and said, I'm outta here."
He had the marriage annulled first thing in the morning. While most people would have canceled the wedding immediately after finding out about the affair, this guy goes through with the charade, as if nothing were wrong.
His revenge...making the bride's parents pay over $32,000 for a 300 guest wedding and reception, and best of all, trashing the bride's and best man's reputations in front of 300 friends and family members.
This guy has balls the size of church bells.
Do you think we might get a MasterCard "priceless" commercial out of this:
Elegant wedding reception for 300 family members and friends.........$32,000.
Wedding photographs commemorating the occasion.....$3,000.
Deluxe two week honeymoon accommodations in Maui....$8,500.
The look on everyone's face when they see the 8x10 glossy of the bride humping the best man..........Priceless.
There are some things money can't buy, for everything else there's MASTERCARD!
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Bill Gates, Microsoft & Customers
- Bill Gates earns US$250 every SECOND, that's about US$20 Million a DAY and US$7.8 Billion a YEAR!
- If he drops a thousand dollar, he won't even bother to pick it up bcoz the 4 seconds he picks it, he would've already earned it back.
- The US national debt is about 5.62 trillion, if Bill Gates were to pay the debt by himself; he will finish it in less then 10 years.
- He can donate US$15 to everyone on earth but still be left with US$5 Million for his pocket money.
- Michael Jordan is the highest paid athlete in US. If he doesn't drink and eat, and keeps up his annual income i.e. US$30 Million, he'll have to wait for 277 years to become as rich as Bill Gates is now.
- If Bill Gates was a country, he would be the 37th richest country on earth.
- If you change all of Bill Gate's money to US$1 notes, you can make a road from earth to moon, 14 times back and forth. But you have to make that road non-stop for 1,400 years, and use a total of 713 BOEING 747 planes to transport all the money.
- Bill Gates is 40 this year. If we assume that he will live for another 35 years, he has to spend US$6.78 Million per day to finish all his money before he can go to heaven.
Last but not the least: If Microsoft Windows' users can claim US$1 for every time their computers hang because of Microsoft Windows, Bill Gates will be bankrupt in 3 years!!!!!!!!!!!
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Never lick envelopes
A woman was working in a post office in California. One day she licked the envelopes and postage stamps instead of using a sponge. That very day the lady found a cut on her tongue. A week later, she noticed an abnormal swelling of her tongue. She went to the doctor, and they found nothing wrong. Her tongue was not sore or anything. A couple of days later, her tongue started to swell more, and it began to get really sore, so sore, that she could not eat. She went back to the hospital, and demanded something be done. The doctor took an x-ray of her tongue and noticed a lump. He prepared her for minor surgery. When the doctor cut her tongue open, a live cockroach crawled out!!!!
There were cockroach eggs on the seal of the envelope. The egg was able to hatch inside of her tongue, because of her saliva. It was warm and moist...
This is a true story reported on CNN
Andy Hume wrote:
Hey, I used to work in an envelope factory. You wouldn't believe the....things that float around in those gum applicator trays. I haven't licked an envelope for years!" I used to work for a print shop (32 years ago) and we were told NEVER to lick the envelopes. I never understood why until I had to go into storage and pull out 2500 envelopes that were already printed and saw several squads of cockroaches roaming around inside a couple of boxes with eggs everywhere. They eat the glue on the envelopes.*
Thank God, we dont send paper mails too ofen...
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